Tuesday, December 28, 2010

Au Speaks Out: How To Make Owt At Hogmanay

I want to haf a few wurds wif you abowt hogmanny hogmenai de last day of de year.

Many kats don't like dis day bekos of firewurks.  Howeffur, you should pay attenshun bekos dis is de day you kan get lots of ekstra treats.

Dis is what you do:

1. Make sure de survunts haf a drink.

2. When one survunt goes to the kitshun for ice, follow kwiately, kwitely quietlee.

3. When dey open de fridge door, gif dem a headbutt.  DO NOT MEOW!

Dey will gif you ham.  Or rost chikkun. 

Now listen karefully, when de other survunt gets up five minutes later, do it all again!!!!  As you didn't MEOW earlier, de survunt won't suspect you've just had a treat.

Sober survunts figure dis owt fast bekos de ham disappears furry quickly.  If dey catsh on, you gif dem a hard look.  Like I do in dis piktshure. Den dey will apologise and think it is their mistake.

For best results, you haf to make sure they get furry squiffy.   Remembur: a squiffy survunt is a generous survunt!

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26 comments:

Katnip Lounge said...

This is EXCELLENT advice! We'll encourage out Hoomins to imbibe liberally. About one ounce of rum will do it for Mommy...heh heh.

Eric and Flynn said...

Thank you for the advice. We will make sure mum has her bottle of Baileys and try it out.

Brian said...

Now that makes a lot of sense, I can't wait to give it a try!

wildcatwoodscats said...

Great advice Au!

Cat-in-Sydney said...

Very sound advice Au! purrr....meow!

Cheysuli and gemini said...

You are very wise Au...

Mr Puddy said...

I'm on it, Let's start now !

thefluffies said...

Tengs for de tipsies! But we dun think it works on our Meowmy. She doesnt drink. Can u figure out other tipsies and let me know about it.

Very hepi new year, Au!

-Jebat-

Lorenza said...

Au!
Thanks for the tips!
But... now I need a plan to make my mom drink some funny drinks!
Kisses and hugs
Lorenza

Huffle Mawson said...

Very good advice Au!

~Covert_Operations'78~ said...

You are too brilliant for words, Au! I would like to vote you in as our next Prime Minister! I love your hard look too! I can see Clint Eastwood scuttling away in fear.

The Island Cats said...

Thanks, Au!! We're gonna try that for sure!!

The Cat From Hell said...

Au - yous is the smartest cat!!! Yous my hero!

Julie said...

Love the look, Au. :)

Hannah and Lucy said...

We were shivering when we saw that stare!! Now what's the ration - is it 10 treats per glass of wine or dare we push it to 15 per glass?

Hannah and Lucy said...

We were shivering when we saw that stare!! Now what's the ration - is it 10 treats per glass of wine or dare we push it to 15 per glass?

Gattina said...

Good tips ! honnestly, anyway my cats think that humans are a little stupid and some of them even very much !

Barbara said...

LOL! You are deviousness itself Au, but so clever. Posky told me to buy a bottle of wine today... I think he's been reading your blog!

catsynth said...

Clever advice. I think it might just work.

Amy and The House of Cats said...

That is great advice Au! We never would have thought of it - but we know that there is some turkey and ham in the fridge right now - so we bet this will work out great!

BeadedTail said...

You are one smart kitty Au!

Khyra And Sometimes Her Mom said...

Fur a khat, woo are purrrrty smart!

Hugz&Khysses,
Khyra

The Chair Speaks said...

Aiya, Au, your method doesn't work with our human lah!

Ginger said...

This is excellent advice! Such a sweet, innocent face, too

Blackie007 said...

Great advice, Au! Our female human offered us everything in her fridge, including cheesecakes, but our male human is clueless, he only bends down, pat our heads and shut the fridge door.

Jan's Funny Farm said...

What great advice!