Thursday, June 30, 2011

Three Tips For Office Cats

Hello, Target here!  How are you? 

I am an office cat.  This is a furry important position. 

Today I would like to share 3 tips that make my mummy-cat squeal with pleasure. 

1. Always lie with your nose on the keyboard so you keep the CAPS lock button down.  THIS HELPS YOUR HUMAN GET THE MESSAGE ACROSS.

2.  If your pet human sighs, raise your head and push the F1 button with your chin.  This puts up the HELP screen.

3. When it's time for a snack, wriggle your ears until the ESC button makes a ticking sound.  This will freeze the screen and give your pet a hint that enough is enough. 

By following these tips you too can be a great office manager.  Trust me! 

Monday, June 27, 2011

Monday Is Man Cat Snoozle Day

It's raining so the cats are hanging out in comfy places. Target has snaffled my office chair - so I'm sitting in his.

Au has taken over the spare bedroom.  I made up the bed for me (for when T-man snores!) but after cleaning it, putting in the comforter, the fan etc, Au decided it is HIS space.

You know how Au didn't eat properly for 2 days last week, then started eating again?  I took him to the vet for a checkup and as it turns out, his liver has flared again.  This is why his appetite went.  However, Au started healing himself.  This is very good news.

To make sure he continues to get himself into shape, Au is off the RETROMAD1 for a week, and onto liver supplements.  We'll check in with the vet again over the weekend to see about progress.

In the meantime, Au is eating his old cat food again, Snappy Tom sachets of Red Snapper.  He's also munching up chicken roll, cat biscuits and snacks.

I worry about my old boy but I have high hopes...

Friday, June 24, 2011

LIM: Why Malay Black Magic Won't Work For White Folks

Bomohs are Malaysian (and Indonesian!) witch doctors.  People believe they have all sorts of powers, from having demon slaves who do their bidding in the forms of curing and haunting, to being able to forecast lucky numbers for gambling.

Every week or so there's a scandal as some bomoh is caught "cleansing" some woman's bad luck with the aid of nightly rumpty-tumpty, or bankrupting some family by demanding huge amounts of money to bring them good luck.

Even so, there are few weddings and public ceremonies where there isn't a bomoh in the background who is being paid to keep the rain away.  Friends who are senior execs in big international companies tell me (while saying, "Don't tell anyone I said this, OK? Promise!") that they have a bomoh budgets for launches, grand openings, and all VIP events.

I have few friends who think all bomohs are fraudsters.  For the most they admit there are bad apples, but 99% will then add, "Yeah but my aunt/boss/cousin hired this bomoh who....and it worked!"  So belief is very typical.

Recently I asked a mate to reveal the occult secret of keeping rain away.  Here's how it went.
Her: You have to hang up chilis at all corners of the ground you want to stay dry.  Then you read holy verses.
Me: What holy verses?
Here: Any holy verses.
Me: Koran or Bible?
Her: Either. 
Me: Germaine Greer?
Her: What?
Me: It's holy for feminists.
Her: Be serious.  Proper holy books only.

Me: Right.  But what chilis? 
Her: Huh?
Me: Red or green?  Chili padi or long sweet ones?  Single chilis or bunches?  Dried or fresh?  if bunches, can I tie with rubber bands or must I use ribbon or something else?
Her: Alamak!  All those questions! 
Me: I want to get the recipe right.
Her: Ayoh, you!  Recipe?!  This is magic!  Not cooking! 

Looks like if I ever throw a big outdoor event, I'm going to have to hire a bomoh.

Thursday, June 23, 2011


Target and T-man play this game where T-man "brushes" Target.  It's wild stuff!

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Au Update

Au eating breakfast today
Au has been a bit "off" the last few days. He's eating but he's fussy about his food.

Like we're in the kitchen and he asks for ham. I give him some, and he runs off. Then I pick him up, sit him on the sofa with me, and he eats his ham all in one go.

Or he asks for chicken, then refuses it. But 5 mins later he's eating cat food. Which he refuses next time round, although he then decides he wants some KFC - Original thigh, and only the white meat on the top, not the dark stuff underneath.

I think it's the heat. It's boiling hot in Malaysia at the moment, and we haven't had rain in days. Also, Au has 100% ok teeth, and no hot spots, cuts etc.

Strictly speaking I have no reason to worry.  Still, you know how paranoid I am about my Au-Meow; I'm worried about him.

Purr for us, would you?

Saturday, June 18, 2011

LIM: Racism Rules

Whenever I read of a country claiming "We are very tolerant towards X/Y/Z" I know there's a problem.

If they're tolerant about Christianity like the Egyptians were last week, it means they're burning down churches. If they're tolerant about freedom of speech like the Russians claim, they're shooting journalists.

So in the same spirit do I smile when West Malaysian politicians use their favourite catch-phrase "harmonious multi-culture" to describe our society.

The three biggest ethnic group that live here are the Malays, Chinese and Indians. We don't have many visible racial problems here but there is no doubt that West Malaysia is incredibly racist.

A national affirmative action policy means the Malays/Bumis get special benefits including a discount when they buy a home. If you read the newspapers, you can see ads, "10% discount for Bumis".

It's also common to see ads: "Chinese sales girl wanted" and "Indian cook wanted" not "Mandarin or Hokkien speaker wanted" or "Cook specialising in Indian cuisine wanted".

To my European eyes where mentioning race in this way is taboo because such talk is illegal in my countries - and in many other places.

However, after many years here I've picked up some of this attitude too. One of my firmly held beliefs is that when you're Chinese and male, you must be good with technical stuff.

So I'm talking to my mate Ong who runs the photograph shop the other day, and after picking up my prints I ask if he can fix my phone for me.

"I don't do phones," he says.
"But you're Chinese!" I say.
Ong gives me a long look. "And you're orang puteh and you're not rich!"
Point taken.

Thursday, June 16, 2011

Target, The Big Striped Hunter

Target killed his first mouse yesterday. He brought it in, and played with it in the indoor garden. The poor thing was already dead so I didn't interfere.

After this, I gave our purring killer a cuddle, and removed the corpse. An hour later Target comes back with victim number 2.

Now there is no more snake food in our neighbourhood.

I hope this video clip works. Anyone know how I can flip it 90 degrees?

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Our Book Katz Tales Is Up For An Award!

Katz Tales by Ellen Whyte Book front cover image
We're chuffed to announce that our book Katz Tales is one of 10 non-fiction nominations for the Popular-The Star Readers’ Choice Awards 2011.

Now you can vote for the winners, and win yourself and us a prize!  Sorry, only Malaysians can vote...

You can vote by SMS or by post.

To vote by SMS:
type RCAN NIRC F SLOGAN "not more than 120 character"  and send to 36600.  RM0.30 MT/reply.

E.G. RCAN 123456012345 F Katz Tales is best coz cats rule

To vote by post:
Download the form here in English and here in BM.  Fill out and post.

To vote choose 3 fiction and 3 non-fiction titles.  If you are one of 100 readers whose ranking matches the overall vote, you will receive a RM50 gift voucher and a one-year-free-membership Popular Book Shop card.

If Katz Tales wins, we also get a cash reward, trophy and certificate of recognition.  We don't know what the cash reward will be exactly, but whatever it is we will donate it to Furry Friends Farm, a no kill shelter in Selangor.

You may vote as many times as you like.  Contest ends 17 July 2011

In addition, you can buy Katz Tales and the other titles at a 20% discount at Popular and Harris stores nationwide from now until 2 Oct 2011.

Monday, June 13, 2011

Au Speaks Out: Cobra!

my pet cobra was dis big....
i am an indoor kitty now but in de evenings i sit in de garden and watch de sun go down. 

on friday i found a snake.  it was a cobra.  it was standing up and hissing at me. 

i was having a good time when suddenly de female rushes owt, and grabs me and rushes me into de house.

dis with no warning or, "ekscuse me, Au may i pick you up"!

my pet could haf grown up to look like dis
den she rushes owt and shouts for Target.  when he says hello she grabs him! 

de fur brain wif de ekspanding stripes escaped and ran towards my pet.  but de female got him before he could play wif it.

den she got bak into the house and slammed all de doors.  she called de fire brigade who took away my pet.

dis is not fair.  it was my snake.  she had no right to konfiscate it.

de female forgot to take a picture.  but i kan tell you dat de snake was as long as me when i stretch owt.  it was de purfekt size to look me in de face. 

Saturday, June 11, 2011

LIM: Angels In The Bedroom And Whores In The Kitchen - Or Is That The Other Way Round?

Warning!  Erogenous Signs! View With Care.
We've been having some exciting times in Malaysia.

First we had Ibrahim Ali from Perkasa saying that Malaysian men have extramarital sex because “Husbands driving home after work see things that are sexually arousing and go to their wives to ease their urges. But when they come home to their wives, they will say, ‘wait, I’m cooking,’ or ‘wait, I’m getting ready to visit relatives.”

I hadn't thought of traffic lights and road signs being sexy before.....

Now we have the Obedient Wives Club, an offshoot of the the Ikhwan Polygamy Club, agreeing that women are to blame when men behave like rats and providing this amazing solution.

The new club promises to stop prostitution and divorce by  teaching women to be submissive and by offering sex lessons so women can become "first class prostitutes."

As you can imagine, the brown stuff has really hit the fan.

My opinion is this: polygamy, polyamy, whatever....I don't care what people do as long as everyone into it is over 18, consenting and can get out whenever they like.

If people want to have sex lessons, and play submission games, that's fine by me.

But to insist that everyone be the same way is just plain rude.

As for the misogyny bit promoted by these bozos, well that's just run of the mill stuff put out by a very small group of (very small) men who are insecure.... I think they are quite right to be afraid - they are very inferior people.

I'm ignoring their pathetic whinging because it's not worth listening to.

The good thing is that it gives the rest of us lots of fodder for rude jokes.

We've had a big debate about what makes a First Class Prostitute versus a Second Class Prostitute and Third Rate Hooker (maybe the Club to give us a skills list so we can judge this properly?)

Plus we're all greeting each other with a, "So! Happily married, are you?" and then nudging and winking suggestively...

Better to laugh than cry, right?

Thursday, June 09, 2011

Target: I Am Not A Fur Brain

I want to say something to you all. Au Some people say I am a fur brain.  This is not true.

I have been in the office efurry day since I was a kitten.  I have slept on books, magazines and newspapers, and I know I've absorbed a lot of information. 

You can tell by the way my stripes are spreading further apart that I'm getting cleverer and cleverer.

Here I am in bed with Au, recovering from a long morning's snooze work in the office.

Tuesday, June 07, 2011

Target Is A Squeezelbug

Target is the sweetest little cat I've ever known.  We have a cuddle and purr first thing in the morning, last thing at night, and at odd times during the day.  Target loves to cuddle so much that he also wakens me in the middle of the night, purring and headbutting.

As he's such a cuddle bug, we've developed a whole new language together.  I call him my squeezel kitty.  My kitten kersqueezel. My kitten kersqueezel cuddle fliffle.....

Au is completely nauseated by this mawkish nonsense but Target thinks it's the best thing ever.  All I have to say is, "Are you my little kitten cat?" and Target rolls over, purring in anticipation of having his tummy rubbed and his ears stroked.

We've just had our post breakfast cuddle and Target ha retired to bed for half an hours nap.  He's so happy that he's just a puddle of boneless fur.

Oh to be a cat!  

PS I'd show you a picture of Target right now but Blogger is acting here's an older pic of Target smiling.

cats on Tuesday For more cats, check out Gattina's Cats on Tuesday.

Saturday, June 04, 2011

LIM: All Rumours Are True! Mostly.

Information is a closely guarded in Malaysia.  Ask the bank girl when the ATM will be online again, and she'll tell you, "That's P&C" meaning Private and Confidential.  I'm not kidding: that's what I was told.

Not having reliable information is irritating because it means you have to rely on gossip, rumours and innuendo.

So when I went to the local pub last week (Kusar in SS15 4/E Subang Jaya) and was told by Sara that our area would have an electricity blackout lasting all Friday night, I believed him.

However, the next morning I wondered why Tenaga (our electricity company) were working all night instead of during the day.  So I decided I'd call them to doublecheck the information.

Well what a saga that turned out to be!

First I called our local Tenaga office that's 2 km away from our house.  They said they didn't know.  Apparently they don't get to hear about supply problems in their own area. (!!!) 

They asked me to call their engineer.  The engineer didn't answer the phone.  And has still not called back despite my leaving 3 messages.

I called Tenaga headquarters.  After messing me about by asking if I'd paid my bill (YES!) they asked me to call another number, 15454 that deals with supply problems.

At this point I was curious how convoluted this would get.  So I called 15454 and spoke to more people.  Eventually a girl told me that she had the maintenance schedule for my whole province. She swore there was no work scheduled in my district, Subang Jaya, for the Friday or the entire week after. 

Past experience in similar situations meant I only half believed her, so I was pleasantly surprised on Friday night when we enjoyed the power of electricity.

When I teased Sara in the pub on Saturday about passing on false rumours, I found out that our friend Vijay who lives 1km up the road, half way between us and the local Tenaga office, and slap bang in the middle of Subang Jaya, sat in total darkness from 1030PM until 830AM. 

So now it's proven: what you hear in the pub has a strong element of truth.But I still have trouble believing that story about the duck and the politician.....

Thursday, June 02, 2011

Au Speaks Out: All Abowt Me!

you will be happy to hear dat i am eating a lot.  yes, i am doing furry well.  i take my speshul medisin once a day now, and it is keeping away dat FIV virus.

but i am furry upset bekos de ovun has broken.  dis means i haf no rost chikkun! 

de feemale is making me BBQ chikkun insted.  she says it will just as good.  i don't know. i don't like change.

now i no dat you will be furry upset abowt de oven and my rost chikkun, so here are sum pikshures of me.  looking at dem will make you happy.

de first is of my when i was a junior office kat.

i am now a senior manager so i only visit the office a few times a day and den only to kritisise.

for de rest of de day i relaks.  i sleep on de recycle newspapur pile and i sit on de Male's foot. we tough mankats don't do soppy stuff so dat is how i kuddle.

de last pikshur is of me wif my laser eyes.  dey are telling you to be happy all day long, OK? dis is my kommand.